Kindness and Compassion - Mental Health Awareness Week 2020

It’s fair to say that the phrase “You are your own worst critic” is a very common one and in a world with so much pressure the need to ‘be’ has never been more real – in achievements, career, social standing, relationships, body image, financial status and more - we often find it much easier to be hard on ourselves than kind! What if you knew that by committing to new habits you could make the shift from self-criticism to self-kindness?

During Mental Health Awareness week, it feels timely to check in with kindness and compassion. And what practises we can use to can slow down automatic reactions and stimulate soothing and calming influences to live a more mindful and positive life!

This week, we’re sharing with you the importance of self-compassion and some tools you can incorporate into your life to ensure a more fulfilling, purposeful and mindful life.

Compassion is an attitude that involves a certain set of feelings, thoughts and behaviours that can be directed towards any living thing. Or in the words of Paul Gilbert; “a basic kindness, with a deep awareness of the suffering of oneself and of other living things, coupled with the wish and effort to relieve it” (Gilbert, 2009, p. xiii).  

Self-compassion is taking the time to be aware of our own struggle and greeting it with warmth and kindness. Research has shown that self-compassion and kindness can alleviate a range of psychological problems and it can bring great benefits to our own mental health.

We’re going to bring you on a self-compassion journey starting with preparing yourself for the process.

The first step in learning self-compassion habits is taking the time to stop and breathe (see steps below).

This technique allows us to move away from quick anxious breathes in panic mode and into the calm and soothing zone which is incredibly powerful in allowing us to stop and reset.

1.   Ensure you are sitting in a comfortable chair or laying in a bed;

2.   Take an inward breath for 4 seconds;

3.   Hold the breath for 2 seconds;

4.   Release the breath for 6 seconds;

5.   Pause slightly before breathing in again;

6.   Then practice, practice, practice!

How our mind reacts to thoughts is a powerful contributor to our physical and emotional state, so our second step is called attention retaining and is allowing ourselves to recognise all thoughts. It is possible to recognise the thought or feeling and detach then redirect to where we choose to be at that moment. This takes time and practice and will result in a more mindful and present approach.

Mundane task focussing is a great work out for the attention. Instead of living on auto pilot, ground yourself on a mundane task you are already doing, for example, ironing, walking or showering. When your mind wanders, anchor it back in with a focus on one or more of the following; touch, sight, sound, smell, and taste. (for example, what do you notice about the task? What catches your eye? What does it sound like? What does it smell like?) Using both the breathing exercises and taming the wandering mind will be a great backbone for meditation exercises.

The soothe system is a calming influence and is at work when we feel most calm and chilled. Using the previous steps will have activated your soothe system, allowing you to be in the present, then you can stimulate compassionate feelings within you by using imagery. Images can often trigger emotions so we can either imagine giving compassion to someone you care deeply about or create a compassionate image and practice this daily in order to normalise the compassionate feelings through facial expression, body language, and tone of voice. Once you can recognise feelings of compassion you can apply them to yourself.

The next step is writing thought diaries or compassionate letter writing to yourself to recognise triggers, emotions, and speaking to your kinder self to bring a more balanced and helpful perspective on what is troubling you.

Taking time and effort to be more mindful of our feelings and thoughts by creating our self-compassion toolbox by using these practices below, you truly will be capable of self-compassion and kindness daily.

1.   Slow Breathing;

2.   Attention Retaining;

3.   Mundane Task Focussing;

4.   Imagery;

5.   Thought diaries or compassionate letter writing.

Being self-compassionate requires acceptance of human imperfection. Acknowledging that the more time you spend in compassion mode the more courage, strength, stability and kindness you will bring into your life and your mental health and well-being will benefit!

If anything, you read in the blog is something you would like further help with, please get in touch.

We would love to hear from you, and start to see what is possible in your journey to not only protecting but improving your mental health.